STARS Survival Camp
by CrimsonValkyrie13
Summary: A parody of how the STARS Alpha Team would act, especially when it comes to nature! Will The STARS Team make it out all alive or Will they yell at eachother about how stupid they are? Enjoy! Rated T for language.
1. Meet the STARS

AN: I sorta rewrote it! Well just a heads up, Im getting back to doing STARS Survival Camp and Every King needs a Queen. Im also creating more stories, couples I like and all. I also take requests, but only one-shots. Sorry. Well anway, I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer- I do _**NOT**_ own the Characters, places or Resident Evil itself. But I do own the story and idea of making this stor but, it was inspired by the story "The girls guide to Wesker and Brownies" By Clairefan82 I really love that story! NEVER Gets old!

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While at The RPD's S.T.A.R.S. Office. Captain Albert Wesker was waiting for his team, Alpha Team to arrive. He was just sitting on his desk reading files in the front of the room. Wesker was wearing his signature dark shades, black button up shirt, black jean pants and black laced boots. Black IS his signature color. He was in The Office that S.T.A.R.S. Teams Alpha and Bravo always meet up for important discussions.

Wesker looked up as he saw his whole team come in together. Chris, Jill, Joseph, Brad and Barry was all of Alpha Team. They were the best of the best. They all had coffee mugs in their hands some others with files and reports.

Joseph and Chris came in laughing at Brad.

Jill rolled her eyes at them.

Barry just looked at them.

Brad seemed embarrassed but mad from Chris and Joseph's taunting.

"AHAAHAHAHAHA!" The Two taunting men laughed.

"Hrrrrr! How LONG are you two bone headed 'brothers' going to keep LAUGHING!" Brad yelled with exhaustion from their laughter, but slightly blushing.

"GOD! You're the new definition of weenie!" Joseph laughed out.

"Yeah Brad! Chicken-Hearted Vickers!" Chris teased, imitating a chicken by flapping his arms like wings.

"I hope you two morons know that even brave men get scared too!" Brad corrected them.

"Noooo!" Chris and Joseph chorused.

"Oh Please! I wasn't THAT scared!" Brad said though lying.

Wesker was getting annoyed from the laughter of the morons. Yet at the same time he was slightly curious at why they were laughing at Brad.

"What are you two Retards laughing about?" Wesker coldly asked.

"Uh Hehe well Brad here, saw a baby mouse and then-Hahaaa! Then he Jumped on to the table in the Break room ahahaha-and he screamed like those girls in the Horror movies!" Joseph completely laughed out.

_~Flash Back~_

_Brad happily drank his warm coffee and saw Chris and Jill talking and laughing. It was obvious Chris had a crush on Jill, she was Beautiful. Not to mention, he once punched a guy out cold because he was threatening to beat Jill. It was her former Boyfriend. _

_Brad took a quick glance around and noticed that something on the floor was moving. He stood up and walked to the corner up out of curiosity to see what it was. Joseph saw Brad walking towards the corner. Brad took one good look at what was moving. Next thing he knew, He was on the table practically screaming for his life and pointing at what was moving._

"_AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THERES A RAT ON THE FLLLOOOOOOORRRRRR!" Brad screamed._

_Joseph saw the 'Rat' and Burst out of laughter to see it was only a baby mouse._

"_Th- AHHHAAAHAHAHA- that's not a rat! That's a baby mouse!"_

_Jill also screamed and jumped on to the table saying "Ew, Ew, Ew, EWWW!GET THAT THING AWAY!" _

_Chris started to burst out of laughter too from seeing Jill's reaction. Barry shooed the mouse away. Brad was too scared to even get back on the floor._

"_Oh My GOD! Brad, I always knew you were a weenie but, now your on a TOTALLY different level like Super Weenie!" Joseph laugh out._

_~End of Flash Back~_

"…And, what else?" Wesker asked not finding anything funny.

"And? That's it." Joseph said without laughing.

"Really funny, now everyone sit." Wesker plainly said.

Everyone sat down in their own chairs. Brad and Joseph sat next to each other by the file cabinets on the left side of the office. Chris, Jill and Barry sat in the chairs next to each other on the Right side of the office. For about an hour Wesker was explaining about some robbery that was committed in the Raccoon Mall on Katherine Street. Brad was still embarrassed about what happened today and was worried if Joseph and Chris would tell Forest. Forest, Joseph and Chris were best friends ever since they joined STARS. They were like The Three Stooges. Chris was Moe, Joseph was Curly and Forest was Larry.

Brad is friends with them but, he just feels like he's always getting picked on. Like in High School. '_Great. High School, allover again.' _Brad angrily thought. Brad was always and always will be an easy target.

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Poor Brad =( Hes always getting picked on by Chris and Joseph! I really hope you all enjoyed...I know its not good or very funny but...hell I tried didnt I? Ok Review and tell me if it was good, bad, horrible enough to make your eyes bleed or good enough to end world hunger! If you like it, alert it or favorite it and make sure you tell me, so I know whose a true reader ^_~, I do take constructive criticism... Any who, Im coming out with a 2nd Chap!^^

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED! AGAIN REVIEW, ALERT AND FAVORITE IF YOU LIKE!


	2. Joseph's Jokes

Heres the second chap! Just like I promised!

Disclaimer - I DO _**NOT **_OWN RESIDENT EVIL, THE CHARACTERS OR THE PLACES IN THE STORY (Most of them) But I DO own The Story and ideas! -This story was an inspiration by ClaireFan82.

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Chris had a bored expression on his face. He watched the ceiling fan twirl into oblivion. His eyes traveled to Jill, then Brad, where he snickered a bit, then Joseph, Barry and finally to his Captain. '_Man, what a slow -fucking- day. Shame it hasn't ended._' Chris thought completely distracted from his Captain's speech.

"Redfield! Pay attention, so you don't embarrass yourself, again." Wesker scolded.

"Oh! Uhh, s-sorry sir. It won't happen again." Chris reassured.

"It won't if you pay attention." Wesker said.

"Since when do you pay for attention?" Joseph asked trying to be funny.

"Since the day you were born, Frost." Wesker insulted, causing everyone in the room to laugh.

"Yeah, well at least I'm not old." Joseph mumbled in a whisper sliding a a little down from his seat with folded arms.

"What was that Frost?" Wesker questioned angrily.

"N-nothing Sir." Joseph stuttered.

"Good. Now you all must prepare for this mission." Wesker said.

"What mission?" Brad asked.

"Dammit Vickers! The one that I just explained!" Wesker yelled.

"And that is…?" Chris questioned.

Wesker gave in a sigh. "The Survival Camp mission. Our original mission dealing with the robbery in the Raccoon City Central Mall will be taken care of by Bravo Team. Or as Chief Irons requested in this -Wesker held up a paper- file."

"Wait so why do we have to do this Survival stuff? I mean doesn't Bravo Team have to do it first then Alpha?" Jill curiously explained.

"Well, yes, but Chief Irons wants the more experienced team to go first this year, to push our skills further." Wesker explained.

"Oh, now I get it." Jill said.

Chris started to get excited about this 'Survival Camp Mission'. "So, what day is it on?"

Chris asked, with pure excitement in his voice.

"In 1 week. So prepare yourselves to wake up at 5am and get here by 6:30am next week on Monday. Make sure you pack up essentials such as clothes, snacks and drinks, one handgun fully loaded with 5 clips along, dental needs and whatever else you need to keep yourself occupied like a book or a sketch book maybe a cell phone or cd player if needed." Wesker told them.

"Sounds cool. So are we going to do those fire pits to keep ourselves warm or make food over the campfire like in movies?" Barry asked.

"Yes we will." Wesker answered.

"Do we get tents and set up or are there cabins to sleep in?" Brad asked.

"Tents." Wesker blankly replied.

"We're doomed." Chris said out of the blue.

Wesker whipped his head towards Chris. "Why?"

"Because…I don't know HOW to put up a tent." Chris answered shyly.

"Y-you d-don't….heheh, pffff-HAHAHAHAHA!" Joseph laughed at him.

"SHUT UP!" Chris yelled.

"You shouldn't be laughing Frost. I do recall one time when you told me you didn't know how to open your locker. And I told you, you just have to twist the knob to 0 and pull the lock down." Wesker reminded him.

"HA!" Brad came out of nowhere.

Joseph turned to him. "Shut the fuck up, Courage the -fucking- Cowardly Dog." Joseph answered bluntly.

Brad crossed his arms and pouted a bit. "You don't have to be mean about it."

"Okay, for now just resume to desks upstairs and continue your filing and research." Wesker told them.

Chris and everyone else including Wesker, got up from their seats and left the meeting room. They all went down the hallway outside the meeting room to a door with a sign next to it. Leading them to an even smaller hallway with two doors, one leading to file room and the other to a film maker room. They went up the stairs, going down the hallway, passing another door and a huge god like statue with two busts on the side. They got to a strangely shaped hall. The hallway to the actual S.T.A.R.S. Office was always desolate looking and creepy. The door to the Office was in the middle of the entire wall on their left. Wesker quickly opened the door and walked back to his private desk. Wesker's desk was at the very front of the room. His desk was neatly done. Behind him, was a giant poster of the S.T.A.R.S. Logo. Next to it was pictures of Alpha and Bravo team. Then, went the shelf that held the Trophies of Alpha and Bravo. On one of the Trophies read, "Marksman Contest Winner: CHRIS REDFIELD".

Chris's desk was in front of Barry's and behind Jill's. In front Jill's desk was a rookie's desk from Bravo. Her name was Rebecca Chambers. A student of the medical field. As for Joseph and Brad. They sadly, have to share a Desk. Or as Brad liked to call it, Computer Console Monitor or Desk Communication System. Joseph called it a C.C.M. or D.C.S. He loved to bother Brad on free times, but they were still friends. Brad would tease Joseph back for fun or revenge.

Everyone was working peacefully until Wesker broke the silence. "Frost, I want you to find the old records of the past Missions for both Alpha and Bravo."

"Aye-aye Captain." Joseph answer with a pirate like accent. Wesker's response to that was a 'Hmph'.

Joseph got up to go through the file cabinets looking for the records. Brad was watching and listening on Bravo team and their mission. Apparently that was today. Brad looked bored as hell.

Barry on the other hand finished his research, printed it out and handed it to Wesker. He turned around to go join Joseph's 'quest'. "Any Luck?"

Joseph looked up from the cabinet and smirked. "You kiddin'. It's like someone hid the damn thing on purpose."

Brad turned around in his chair to join their conversation. "Sucks to be you, Joseph."

"Yeah well, it's worse being you, Brad." Joseph countered.

"Hey Joe, is that the file?" Barry asked pointing to a record folder.

Joseph took it out and read the front. "Barry, it's a health record. Apparently, Ol' Barry's gone senile on us."

"Ol' Barry could easily kick your ass into next week, Frosted-Flakes." Barry scowled playfully, using Joseph's other nick-name.

"Yeah, but would you _remember_ it afterwards?" Joseph teased.

Barry gave in a chuckle, shaking his head at Joseph. "You know, whenever I look at you, I shake my head."

"Whenever I look at you I ask _'Are you my Grandpa?' _Hahaa!" Joseph laughed out.

Chris listened in on their conversation. He couldn't help but laugh at Joseph's counters. Joseph _was_ the Master of Comedy after all. And everyone else was the butt of Joseph's jokes.

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TEAM JOSEPH! This chap was funny and fun to make~! ^^ I hope you enjoyed! Chap 3 coming soon!

HOPE YOU ENJOYED! REVIEW AND FAVORITE AND ALERT IF YOU LIKE!


	3. Wesker's Horrid Memory

PART 3! It has alot of Joseph and Wesker in this! Awesomeness!

Disclaimer - **I DO NOT OWN RE OR ITS CHARACTERS AND PLACES! **Although I DO own the ideas and story!^^ Except I got a couple of ideas from some TV shows Ive been watching! Inspired by ClaireFan82. ENJOY!^^

AN: I edited it, and took out the part with Wesker's OOC nationality, people didnt seem to get the factoid here. SOME NOT ALL. I was making Wesker into a more fictional type but meh. I changed it.

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Jill sat there typing away in her computer at her desk behind Chris', listening to Joseph's counters toward Barry and his age _'You know Barry, they say memory is the first to go before turning into a senile old man.'_. Poor Barry, he had to put with this almost **everyday **in his life. It was sad, really. But rather entertaining, for Jill and Chris, but sometimes Joseph would go a little bit too far that even Wesker would give in either a smirk or a somewhat dark chuckle.

"Joey, watch you turn into an old man. Then we'll see whose laughing." Barry scowled good-naturedly.

"Pshh! I doubt you'll remember!"

"Can you keep your voice down?" Brad giving Joseph a Shut-the-fuck-up look.

"You know what Vickers-"

"FROST!" Wesker loudly interrupted.

Joseph stayed silent this time and went back to searching for the damn file that started this in the first place. Brad and Barry also went back to what they were doing. Chris couldn't help but giggle at this mess. Jill heard him and smiled to herself. Chris always did sound cute when he giggled. Wesker was done organizing file at his desk, and he chose to take a quick break before Chief Irons burst in through the door to give the STARS a lecture about the Survival Camp Training. Nobody in Alpha team was nervous about this. It would be their 5th time doing the Survival Camp. Most of them were excited about it, of course, except for Wesker. _'My, my…How the hell DID I get in this mess. An entire week…stuck in the middle of the woods, relying on each other for survival…stuck with a bunch of brainless morons, of course with the exception of Jill and Barry.'_

To Wesker, Jill and Barry were the only teammates of STARS that actually showed promise. He laid back on his chair, hands behind his head and his feet on his desk. He stared at the ceiling, and started to reminisce about the time when he interview every Alpha member.

_~FLASHBACK~_

_Joseph was standing in the interrogation room, checking himself out in the magic mirror. "Damn! Do I look good, or do I look GOOD!" He said to himself. He was fixing his boyish messed up, blonde hair. His plain red bandana sat at the brown table behind him- _

_**~BOOM!~**_

_A door slammed shut. Joseph startled by the sound echoing through the halls. He reacted by sitting back down in his chair facing the mirror. The door by his left opened and a man with dark shades, slick back blonde hair wearing a STARS shirt came through, the door closed quietly behind him and sat in front of Joseph. Joseph eyed his every movement, the minute he came through the door. The man looked up at Joseph and introduced himself, "My name is Albert Wesker. I am your new Captain."_

_Little did the new Captain know, he just entered his future hell._

"_Cool, my names Joseph, Joseph Frost." Joseph introduced._

_"Nice to meet you Mr. Frost-"_

_"No, please, Joseph…..Hey! Are you English? Like from London?"_

_Wesker ignored his question and proceeded with his own. "Mr. Frost-"_

"_It's Joseph-"_

_"I'm calling you Mr. Frost. I don't address many people with their first name."_

_"Why? Is it like a English thing?"_

_"No…because I have respect." Wesker began to grow agitated like a snake when someone pokes them with a stick._

_"I thought all English people have respect?"_

_"They do…" Wesker answered irritably._

_"HA, I KNEW you were English-"_

_"Shut up, SHUT UP!" The little outburst of his new Captain surprised Joseph and he stopped asking questions. "I am NOT English you imbecile!"_

_"Ok…" Wesker sighed. "Why did you choose to join the organization a while back?" Joseph had obviously been in STARS longer than Wesker._

_"Join what?" Joseph really seemed confused._

_"STARS."_

_"What STARS?"_

_Wesker sighed again. "The 'Special Tactics And Rescue Service or Squad'. You know? RPD's famous STARS teams?"_

_Joseph looked surprised for a moment, then grinned and waved his hand to dismiss Wesker's statement. "Nah! That's a lie! That's too many damn words for five letters!"_

_Oh my God…._

_Wesker felt like ripping out his hair. Luckily, he didn't. He stayed calm, cool and collected._

_~END OF FLASHBACK~_

Jill's interview was quick, calming and easy. So was Barry's and Chris'. But Brads was a bit…too startle-ish for him. Every time Brad heard something move he would jump a little. He explained his nervousness issue with Wesker. Seeing Brad now, he's improved….a lot. From each interview, Wesker quickly gained their trust and background information.

Jill was a very neat and on-the-go but kind of late type of person but not one to trust so easily due to being an ex-thief and all. But lots of skill when it comes to being like a spy or being a fighter out in the open. Also, an excellent receptionist to STARS.

Barry was a calming, take-matters-into-my-own-hands type but too easy to outwit. Though he was an amazing gun handler and able to identify things like guns and times of death. Very quick minded too.

Chris was a very.…messy, disorganized and short tempered person, but showed a hell of a lot of loyalty, talent with marksmanship, hand to hand or knife combat and air transportation and promise. But lacks speed and some intelligence.

Brad's very nervous about the outside world. Which the question that haunted Wesker the most was _'How did he become an Alpha member?'. _But, Brad was talented and well-knowing with technology, hacking and piloting a helicopter.

As for Joseph….he was a comedian. Although good when it came to vehicles and other transportations of sorts, he lacked promise. He was disrespectful towards his superiors. And unmannerly and rude too. But what he mainly lacked was intelligence. Which he makes up for it by being a damn good hand to hand fighter.

Wesker didn't realize until now, that every time he looks at Joseph, Chris or Brad, he felt his left eye twitch.

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Aww Poor Wesker =( At Joseph! XD Haha! I hope you all liked!~^^ Part 4 coming SOON!^^! Yes I changed the British/German part. BTW Sorry if it sounded stereotypical when Joseph said "Why? Is it like a English thing?"

Review, Fav, Alert if you like!


	4. Blackmailing Revenge

PART 4 Baby! It was fun and quick to write! But sorry if this chap is too short, thats actually how I intended it to be. The next chaps will begin to have to do with the Survival Camp stuff! Hmm 'Blackmailing Revenge' huh? Wonder who can do such a thing! You'll have to read to find out! Muahaha...ok I got bored Enjoy!

**DISCLAIMER:** I do NOT OWN the RE Characters! Or The places! ONLY THE STORY!

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Wesker's memories continued. But was cut short by a random interruption caused by none other than the man himself, Joseph Frost.

"OH MAN! Barry! Check this out!" Joseph hollered over to Barry, holding what seems to be a picture.

"What is it Joe?" Barry walked over to Joseph, looking at what Joseph bugged him for.

"Hey, isn't that you Brad?" Barry questioned.

"Man! Brad! Is this your ID picture?" Joseph asked and showed Brad the picture of him, wearing his current uniform and a pilots helmet in his arms.

"Yeah. What's the big deal?"

"Dude, you look constipated in this picture! Hahaaa!"

"Dammit, Joseph!" Brad tried to snatch the picture away from him but it failed.

"I gotta go make 50 copies of these!" With that, Joseph went to copy Brad's constipated facial expression on 50 pages to be put all over the RDP.

"WAIT NO JOSEPH DON-" Joseph shut the door. "Damn…" Brad slouched in his chair a bit.

"Don't worry, Brad. It's not like anyone's gonna care, right?" Jill said turning her chair to Brad.

"Yeah, I gue-" Brad sighed until he was cut off by someone yelling.

"_HEY! FOREST, YOU GOTTA CHECK THIS OUT!"_

"_OH MY GOD! IS THAT BRAD?"_

"_YEAH! HE LOOKS CONSTIPATED! HAHAHAHAHA!"_

"Oh god…." Brad sunk even lower in his seat.

"It was only Forest." Chris comforted.

"_ENRICO, RICHARD, KEN! COME CHECK THIS PICTURE OF BRAD!"_

"_AWW MAN! HAHA!"_

"_My god! Poor Brad!"_

"_Joseph, where did you get this?"_

"_In the file cabinet, Captain Enrico."_

"_Are there anymore?"_

"_Nope! That's why I'm going to make 50 more copies!"_

"_I'LL JOIN YOU! HAHA!_

"AWW MAN! Not them too!" Brad felt so let down by Joseph. "My life is ruined!"

"Don't say that, Brad!" Barry said.

"_CHIEF IRONS! YOU GOTTA CHECK THIS OUT! IT'S BRAD LOOKING CONSTIPATED!"_

"**NOW**, your life is ruined." Chris said.

"Stupid, Joseph! I'll get back at him!"

"How are you gonna do that, Brad?" Jill asked.

"I don't know…HEY CAPTAIN WESKER-"

"NO!" Wesker yelled from across the room.

"You don't even know what I was going to ask."

"I know exactly what you were going to ask. You want me to help you get revenge on your _comrade_, Frost. Isn't that right?_" _Wesker took the words right out of his head. Brad nodded and Wesker shook his head. "I refuse to help you in a pathetic revenge scheme."

"Fine. I'll just do it myself!" Brad stormed out of the room and quickly became a laughing stock. People were laughing and pointing at him. He was embarrassed to the max. He saw that Joseph did the 50 copies and taped them all over the place.

"HAHA! Aww man! What's up, Brad? No constipation lately, dude?"

"I swear, Joseph! I will get back at you for this."

"And how will you, Chicken Heart?"

"I….I….oh! I'll tell everyone about that _secret _of yours." Brad whispered in Joseph's ears. Joseph's eyes widened. He remember Brad was the only one in the RPD that knows that little secret.

"N-no man! Look I'm sorry! But please! Don't tell ANYONE!"

"I won't. But, you'll have to take down all the pictures of me and be my slave for the day." Brad blackmailed Joseph.

"S-slave! Are you kidding me?"

"Deal or no deal."

"….urgggh, deal…." Joseph unwillingly agreed.

"Good. Now slave, take down all the pictures and…bring me a cup of water."

"Your **pushing it**, Vickers."

"No. _Your pushing it_, Frost." Brad said and walked back to his STARS office non-chalantly and sat back down in his desk looking rather happy.

"So? What happened, Brad?" Chris curiously asked.

"Let's just say, I have a slave for the day." Brad grinned. Chris, Jill and Barry exchanged worried looks. What did Brad actually mean by "slave for the day." They chose to ignore it and walk back to theirs desks.

Wesker became curious and asked Brad, "What exactly did you do to him?"

"I blackmailed him." Brad smiled, everyone was shocked. Brad wasn't the type for blackmailing or revenge, usually that would be Joseph. Apparently, Brad is playing and beating Joseph at his own game. And Brad was proud of it. He seemed to act a bit tougher now. Like he wasn't afraid, of anything, because he finally found Joseph's weakness. His own game. That's right. Even if Joseph was good at revenge and embarrassment schemes, it didn't mean he was the ONLY one good at it.

"I see…well, as long as no harm was done to our fellow comrade, Frost…did you harm him? Please tell me you did." Wesker always wanted something bad to happen to Joseph. Too bad today wasn't his day.

"Nope, sorry sir." Even Brad knew that Wesker hated Joseph in his own mysterious ways.

"How sad. Now get back to work, Vickers." Wesker had to admit, he was quite disappointed that no one was harmed…or killed.

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OHH Wesker, you sadistic Bastard! Everyone knew Wesker wanted someone killed. Dont worry Wesker, next time! Hope you all enjoyed, again sorry for it being too short the next chap might be a little short too but I promise there WILL be a LONGER one! PART 5 COMING SOON!

REVIEW, FAVORITE AND ALERT IF YOU LIKE!


	5. As Days Go By

_**AN: 5th Chap up and ready! Im sorry for the lateness, I was suppose to post this 3 weeks ago but I didnt like the way I wrote it, so I rewrote it, and it came out somewhat better, but hell, I like. Hopefully, you do too!  
**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own any of the Characters in this story, CAPCOM does! I just own the story, But not the inspiration of it! That belongs to Clairefan82!**_

_**ENJOY!**_

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The day for Joseph being a slave went rather slow. He got Brad his water, had to apologize to Brad about everything he's done to him, had to do Brad's work and of course his own and he was forced to sit in the corner on a box and whenever someone called for him, he had to respond with a dog bark.

Joseph felt humiliated. Embarrassed and very, very bored. We watched the rest of his team enjoying themselves in a conversation while he had to sit alone. He somewhat regretted doing what he did today, with the whole, printing out 50 copies of Brad's ID picture thing. But it was kind of worth it. Being Brad's slave was only for the rest of the day, right?

"Joseph!" Chris waved his hand and called out to the lonesome blonde.

Joseph responded with a bark, just as Brad wanted. "Woof…" He barked uncaring. Brad and Jill giggled. Chris and Barry just shook their heads at them.

"Brad, why would you do this to Joseph? Don't you think Joey will get you back for this? You know how he is. Won't you regret it?" Barry whispered. Brad eyed him and felt that Barry was right but then, memories began to come into his head about the horrible things Joseph has done to him in the past.

He remembered the time when Joseph tripped him during basic training.

When he told the girl Brad had a crush on, that Brad was gay.

When Joseph video taped Brad in the gym, barely able to lift weights and teasing him.

When he trick Brad into walking into a glass door.

When Joseph told Brad that it was "Clown Dress-up Day" 'tomorrow' and Brad came into the RPD the next day with a rainbow wig, clown suit, big red nose, big shoe on him and make-up all over his face.

Brad knew he wasn't going to regret it.

"Nah, I won't. Trust me. He won't get back at me. Because I've got a little secret up my sleeve." And with that being said, Barry was curious at what he meant by _'little secret'_. Chris and Barry exchanged looks. Chris heard what Brad had said. And he didn't like it as much as Barry.

Wesker was just watching all of them like a hawk. Nobody realized this until Jill turned around to see Wesker was patiently waiting for them to quite down. Originally, Wesker would have thrown a book across the room, hitting the communication system to silence them, but Wesker was oddly in a good mood. Everyone, including Joseph, stared at Wesker, waiting for him to say something.

"You all do realize that it's your 30 minute lunch break?" Wesker reminded them. He wanted them to leave the room so he could have peace and quite. And they all jolted out the room.

Joseph was trying to sneak away from Brad and his friends from Bravo team so they can't see him being enslaved by Chicken-Heart, of all people. Wesker enslaving him would've made more sense. Brad spotted Joseph, ran after him and grabbed his bandana.

"And where do you think your going, Frost." Hell Brad even began to sound like Wesker.

"As far,** far** away from you."

"No, now you're coming with me. I wanna show _all your _friends my new temporary slave!" Brad grinned and dragged Joseph with him all the way to the break room. Unfortunately for Joseph, all of his friends were sitting at the same table. Richard, Enrico, Forest, Kenneth, Kevin and Edward from Bravo Team, including some of his cop friends like Grady, Marvin, Sarah, Johnson and Kevin and even Barry, Jill and Chris were there.

'_Aww…fuck….' _Joseph thought darkly. He hated the fact that Brad blackmailed him. Even though he **did** deserve it, for all the hell he's put Brad through.

Brad reached the table and 'introduced' everyone to his new slave. "Guys, this is my new slave! Joseph Frost!"

There was silence. But then interrupted with laughter's coming from all over the table. 'Joseph? Brad's Slave!' People yelled out through their roaring laughs.

Unsurprisingly, Jill, Barry and Chris were the only ones not laughing, They had their share of laughs 30 minutes earlier. Oh God almighty, didn't Joseph wish he was just dead at this point. He looked around, people pointing and laughing at him calling him silly names like _'Jo-Slave'_, _'Brad's bitch' _and of course _'Chicken-Heart __**Frost**__'_.

The remainder of the day was short. Nothing left to do but talk. And it went by, until the clock hit 7 o'clock. Alpha team went directly to their cars not speaking to each other about today's events. Joseph passed by Brad and gave him a good I-will-get-you-back-for-this glare. Brad didn't fear it, he acted as if he got that glare everyday.

No longer in Brad's enslavement and blackmailing, he felt relieved. Tomorrow, he can tell his friends that Brad was only kidding around. He knew that they wouldn't believe that. But, Joseph was willing to go for it, and try to make it believable.

The next day passed simple and original, yet somewhat unusual. Joseph hasn't made a comment on anyone, Wesker wasn't being Wesker, and Chris was getting hyped up, and as for Brad, Jill and Barry. They all chatted their way through work. It didn't feel right. For anyone. It was weird, but peaceful. Joseph was behaving, but the day just didn't feel…fun.

As days passed on by the same way as the day after the blackmailing incident. The STARS felt like they were in school again. Boring and just can't wait to get the hell out. Thank god for their upcoming 'trip'.

Just 2 days remaining until the Survival Camp. Chris was even more hyped up. Jill remained content, Barry didn't seem to care, Joseph either and Brad began to feel nervous. He didn't like camps. He had a fear of camps, because of wild animals that live in the woods of Raccoon Forest. Wesker on the other hand wasn't happy. At all.

"Ok team. Just 2 days before the camp, is everyone packing?" Wesker looked around the room to see only Chris' face filled with joy. "I understand, not everyone here wants to go to-" Wesker was interrupted by Mr. Redfield.

"I WANNA GO!" Chris shouted raising a hand.

Wesker ignored him. "Uh ok, anyway, I understand what, **most** of you are feeling. But it's a necessity here in STARS."

Brad chose not to pay attention and turned back to his desk to find a paper folded up. He unfolded it seeing a drawing, a stick figure drawing of him. It was drawn in red crayon. The drawing depicted Brad as a stick figure, scared and shaking at his own shadow. Words were written on the drawing as well. It said, 'Brad "Chicken-Heart" Vickers is a poo poo-head!' with an arrow pointing to his drawing-self. Brad knew who drew this. Mainly, because at the bottom of the paper it said 'BY: Joseph Frost'.

'_Joseph…' _He growled in his head. His head slowly turning to Joseph's direction. He saw Joseph laughing in his chair. It had been, what felt like months, since he laughed.

"Break-time." Wesker called out, and again, Alpha team rushed out the door.

The cafeteria was full this day, oddly enough. People usually leave the RPD to get some 'better' food. Brad caught up to Joseph and held up the drawing in Joseph's face.

"Explain _this_, Frost!" Brad yelled out, still holding the paper to Joseph's face.

"I did _not_ draw that!" Joseph fakely claimed.

"It's right here, clear in red crayon!" Brad pointed to the "BY: Joseph Frost" part.

"…Well…you were quite the _poo-poo head_."

"I'll show you a poo-poo head."

"So…what, your gonna put shit on your head or, what?"

Brad ignored Joseph's question, folded the drawing into his pocket and walked away from him. Joseph eyed Brad like if he was crazy. Everyone thought Brad was crazy. He was too paranoid and too frightful.

"What was that all about?" Richard asked sitting across from Joseph.

"I don't really know. But hey, at least we all know Brad's a poo-poo head! HAHA!" Joseph's good ol' laugh finally came back. Although, he did feel like he was gonna regret it, in the first place. But he shook off the feeling. What can, Brad 'Chicken-Heart' Vickers, _**possibly **_do to him?

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_**AN (Again): Well, Finally eh? I finally posted the 5th chap! Ok The camping trip is like a chapter away so hang on tight! This is goin to get wild! Go Brad! lol oh and BTW I do use lines or scenes that I see from movies to make some parts of the story up! Thats just a heads up to everyone, so if you recognize a certain line throughout the story, now you know.**_

_**Review, Alert, Fav if you like it! Thanks for reading!**_


	6. The Trip

FINALLY PART 6! Sorry for the long hiatus! Ive been very busy with lots of stuff and other fics. This one isnt really funny. Its just...out there. Im sorry..some person I am... But I really hope you enjoy!

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN RESIDENT EVIL, CHARACTERS AND THE PLACES HERE! Inspired by ClaireFan82's "A Girls guide to Wesker and Brownies"**

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Chris was sound asleep buried under his covers. That was until his alarm clock went into a beeping 'fit'. _BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! _The sound nearly deafened his ears. He jolted his arm out of the covers to hit the stop button. Then, proceeded to jump out of bed, grabbed a white t-shirt, navy blue jeans, black boxers, his combat boots along with a green towel and headed directly into the shower and came out with all his clothes on, within 5 minutes, he was clean as a whistle. He checked the time.

'_5:10, damn! Way too early!' _He was surprised it took him 10 minutes to get ready. He looked around and realized he was completely prepared and had 50 minutes to spare before going Survival Camping. He searched around his house looking for any items he probably left out.

Nothing.

He left nothing out. He chose to go for a spin in his red Jaguar. A car originally meant for his sister, Claire, but she told him she wanted to get a car on her own, not with his help. So he kept it.

He drove by a few diners along the way, making him hungry. But he wanted his personal favorite diner, Emmy's Diner. A few turns, and he finally made it to Emmy's. He climbed out of his car and pushed the door open into his heaven. Julie, one of the waitresses who had a huge crush on Chris, rushed over to him as he sat in a table close to the windows.

"Oh, Chris! I didn't know you'd come today!" Julie said to him. She always said that whenever he came to the Diner on free times.

"Haha, well you know me. I love this place." Chris responded.

"Well, Mister Diner lover, what would you like?"Let's see….' He opened the little menu booklet. 'I want coffee, black with sugar, and how 'bout a bacon, egg and cheese on roll bun. Or is that too much?" Chris couldn't help but laugh.

"Haha, not at all. Give me a few, and I'll come back with it, 'kay?"

"Sure." Chris waited about a good 10 to 15 minutes and Julie came back with his order.

"Finally!" Chris began to chomp away on his food. He finished up and asked for his check. Julie came back with it and some tooth picks.

"Thanks!" Chris paid and put in a tip for her. He left the diner checking his watch while heading to his car. His watch read, 5:45.

'_Yes! Time to head home!' _He jumped into his car, speeding to his house, collected all his bags and tent, along with a handgun, 5 clips, a survival knife, first aid kit, a flash light and a compass. Loaded everything in his car and drove off. He had to keep reminding himself that Wesker wanted him to park in the garage of the RPD.

He got to the police station at 5:57 and parked his car in the garage, taking out all his stuff and left off to the Main Hall to wait for the others by the huge statue of a woman holding a pot pouring water.

He got there and was surprised to see Joseph sitting there. Wesker, Jill and Barry were there too, but no sign of Brad.

"Hey, Captain Wesker where's Brad?" Chris asked as he walked up to his superior.

"Brad went to fetch me some coffee." Wesker said.

"Why's you make him do that?"

"Because I can."

"Ha! Man, you gotta love Wesker!" Joseph laughed out.

"Shut up, Frost."

"Aww." Joseph responded to Wesker's bluntness.

Shortly after, the team spotted Brad coming back with a cup of coffee in his hand, and 2 books in the other from the door closest to the entrance of the station.

"What's with the books, Brad?" Jill asked.

"Oh, I'll be reading them on the bus in case if I get bored or something."

"Ah, the usual nerd thing to do." Joseph commented.

"The usual DUMB thing to say." Brad retorted.

"You wanna take this outside, Vickers?"

"GUYS!" Jill cut in. She wasn't gonna let a fight happen over something so stupid.

"Yes, well, it is now 6:05, gather your things the bus is out waiting for us." Wesker ordered.

"What kind of bus do we got?" Joseph asked.

"Don't you mean, 'What kind of bus do we _have_?" Barry corrected.

"Nope."

The team finished getting all their things and headed out the main entrance to see the gate doors open and a private bus waiting for them. The bus had a STARS logo on it along with 'Raccoon City, Property of Umbrella' written on it in small letters. The auto-open doors of the bus opened for Wesker and everyone else. They began to stuff their over-head compartments with their luggage and sat down in big two-seater chairs.

Wesker sat in the front on the right, next to the bus door while Barry sat in the front left side. Chris sat horizontally across from Jill on the right and behind Wesker, she was on the left behind Barry. Brad behind Jill, Joseph behind Chris.

The bus was rather small for such luxury. But, good enough for them. The driver got on the bus and gave Wesker a strange look of concern. But Wesker acted like the man didn't exist. The driver told everyone to make sure the compartments are tight closed and to put on seat belts. "The ride will take a good 4 hours", The driver told them. But they all seem to not care.

'_One hell of a long ride.'_ Brad thought. He didn't want to spend 1 more second near Joseph. It started to become very bothersome to deal with a man with very little intelligence, for Brad. So instead of paying attention to Joseph, Brad began to read his book called "Self Help" a book about overcoming your fears and living on with life, courageously.

Wesker was looking down at his wallet looking at 2 different ID's that belong to him. One was from STARS, the other was from Umbrella. _'Better hide this before anyone of them see. The poor fools don't know what's coming to them in a few months. I will be rich and powerful, while these idiots will be rotting under piles of rubble-'_

"Hey Wesker!"

"Gah!" Wesker startlingly yelped as Joseph nearly jumped on him.

Wesker took a good look at the blonde headed STARS member and became darkly angry at him for the scare.

"Frost…"

"Yes, Captain?"

"How many times do I have to fucking tell you **NOT** TO STARTLE ME WHEN I'M CONTEMPLATING?" Wesker shouted at Joseph as everyone stared at their Captain. It wasn't the first time they've heard him yell at Joseph in such a way.

"Uh, well, actually sir. This is the first time you've told me tha-"

"Sit back down in your seat and shut, UP!" Wesker interrupted.

Joseph did as Wesker said and sat back in his seat while listening to the echoing snickers of Chris and Brad.

'_Man, what the fuck went up HIS ass this morning….'_ Joseph thought deeply.

_1 hour later…_

Jill sat quietly looking out the window of her seat, sight seeing as the bus rode out of Raccoon City and into Raccoon Forest. _'Wow, this city is full of wonders so mysteriously yet beautifully. Nothing bad could ever happen to it.'_

She looked over at Chris. He was knocked out sleeping and snoring. Jill found it quiet adorable of Chris to snore. It wasn't loud but it wasn't unnoticeable. She looked up front seeing Wesker and Barry staring out their own windows. She began to stare at her captain, almost as if she never noticed or even seen his charm and handsomeness. It was like the world had suddenly stopped and she was all alone with Wesker. She remember her fantasy dream about him she had not too long ago. The way he embraced her, kissed her, felt her up and the way he made lo-

"**JILL!**" Joseph roared into her ear.

"AHH!" Jill jumped up out of her seat and fell to the floor of the bus. "JOSEPH! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT!" She screamed as she caught Wesker, Barry and Brad's attention. Also, waking up Chris.

"I was asking if I could borrow your brush."

Jill had a menacing look on her face. She was about to strangle him. "Why, the FUCK would I possibly let you use my brush after 'oh so very kindly' scaring me! And why the hell do you need it?"

"Well, Jill, a man's gotta look pretty too, right?"

"That's it. Out of the bus!" She pointed to the door ordering him even if it killed him.

"But Jill-"

"Out of the bus!"

"Jill!"

"OUT!"

"Miss Valentine, please sit in your seat before you get hurt. Frost, sit the fuck down and shut up like I ordered you to." Wesker said stepping into the 'argument'.

"Yes sir…" Jill said sitting back down.

"THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!" Joseph back fired.

"**FROST!**" Wesker growled loudly.

"Fine…" Joseph walked over to his seat sitting the same way he did an hour earlier hearing Chris and Brad snicker yet again.

'_Is this 'Pick on Joseph' day?' _He thought angrily_._

* * *

Aww I felt bad for Joseph here. But he did deserve this! Jill/Wesker moment! Anyway Part 7 is on the way. Like I said, Sorry if its too boring-ish =( But Ill try better next time! Thanks for reading!

FAV/REVIEW/ALERT IF YOU LIKE IT!


	7. Joseph's Randomness

**WOW! Is been pretty long huh? Well, Ive worked on a couple of other projects, my laptop got a virus and all, and I had to fix it...it was a bitch -_- but hell I guess it was worth it, hope I didnt piss anyone off for the wait. Please enjoy it and review it, tell me what you thought and what I shouldve have written that couldve made it better yeah, the works... ENJOY!**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN RESIDENT EVIL OR ITS CHARACTERS! (If I did Wesker would stll be alive)**

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"Alright, comrades. We're here." Wesker stated as he got up from his seat and out of the bus. He checked his time. They got their at exactly 11 o'clock. They were about an hour late. Oh well. Wesker turned around and nodded at the driver as he prepared to drive back to the city.

Chris, Jill and Barry awoke when the bus had stopped while Brad was still reading as he got up. Joseph seemed as he hasn't slept for days. All of the members stepped out of the bus along with their luggage's. The STARS looked around for the perfect camping spot.

"HEY CAPTAIN!" Chris hollered his superior over to where he was pointing. "This looks like a good spot."

"It is. Chris, at times you may aggravate me, but at times like this, you make me proud."

"Thanks, Captain!"

"Hey! I've helped you out with a lot of things! How come you never told me you were proud of me!" Joseph intervened.

"Because, you, Frost, help me out in a bad way."

"Like?"

"You help me get head-aches, stress, rage and, maybe one day, a stroke."

"Ha-ha, very funny Captain. You picked that line up from Barry or something?" Joseph countered sarcastically.

"No. It wasn't a joke. I'm not a dried, unfunny comedian like you, Frost." Wesker retorted.

"OHHH! That's beef on my block!" Chris instigated.

"Shut it, Redfield! THESE are the times you aggravate me!"

"Aww…" Chris almost sadly responded.

"You two, go look for firewood before I decide to let you sleep with the bears." Wesker demanded.

"But captain, wouldn't that be like a set up murder?" Chris asked.

"No, when the time comes. THEN, you will see a set-up murder." Wesker smirk, but Chris really didn't understand what he had meant by that. And so he shrugged it off, thinking it was one of Wesker's dark jokes.

Wesker, Brad, Jill and Barry began to set up the camp while Chris and Joseph went to look for firewood. The three were quite, until something had broken the silence. A loud shout from what sounded like Chris yelled out;

"_SHIT!_" A second later, about 7 gunshots were heard not too far from their campsite.

"What the…" Jill looked up through where Chris and Joseph went to get the firewood. That's where the shots were heard from."Captain Wes-" Jill was cut off by her captain.

"I know Redfield and Frost are in trouble, lets move out team!"

The four ran after their other teammates to find droplets of blood around the area with both Chris and Joseph aiming their guns at the bush in front of them. Fear was being expressed on their faces.

"What happened!" Brad yelled out drawing his gun as well as the other three, aiming it where Joseph and Chris were aiming..

Wesker's heart began to pound a little quick. _'Umbrella messed already? The experiments are already out?'_ Wesker nervously thought as he began to sweat. His mind was racing. It seems as if Umbrella unleashed their tested subjects out. Or atleast, that's what Wesker thought.

"I SAW A SQUIRREL, MAN!" Joseph yelled out.

'…_what…they almost had me on the EDGE. For a fucking squirrel?'_

Wesker began to grind his teeth together as Joseph continued.

"It-it-it was ready to fly at me! Lunge and-and kill me! Give me rabies and then KILL ME!"

"Yeah man! That flying squirrel had it coming!" Chris added.

"You two… are the BIGGEST IMBECILES THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN!" Wesker nearly screamed at them. The pair seem to have almost cowered as he loudly scolded them.

"But captain-" Chris was cut off.

"SQUIRRELS DO NOT FLY YOU FUCKING RETARDS!"

"But they do glide-"

"SHUT UP, FROST! THE BACK TO THE CAMPSITE, AND DON'T SPEAK, FOR THE REST OF THE DAY!"

Chris and Joseph walked back to the camp with their heads held down in shame.

"That squirrels a murderer…" Joseph mumbled as they walked in front of the team. They all finally reached the campsite and saw how well their teammates set-up. "Wow, you guys know how to clean up!" Joseph commented as he jumped in to his tent that was already done for him. "Hey who made my tent?"

"I did." Barry admitted.

"Thanks man, I owe ya!" Joseph thanked.

"Hell yeah you do! You almost gave us heart-attacks man!"

"Heh. S-sorry." Chris apologized.

"I still can't believe you guys scared us just to kill a squirrel." Jill said in disbelief.

"KILL? I WISH! We only got his tail and leg. That squirrel's still around here, training, getting stronger." Joseph said in a paranoid tone and looking around.

"You're an idiot, Frost." Brad said from out of the blue.

Joseph popped his head out from his army camouflage colored tent. "You wanna start this again Vickers?"

"VICKERS, FROST, SHUT THE FUCK UP! And Frost, didn't I tell you to stay quiet for the rest of the day?" Their captain yelled out. Wesker really wasn't one to curse, but if someone got on to his nerves like his subordinates, then it's a whole different story.

Joseph decided, unless he wanted to sleep with bears, he would have to stay quiet.

'_Unless Wesker meant sleeping with bears is actually sleeping with Barry. Then I'd rather sleep with real bears.'_ Joseph thought.

"Okay, Is everyone done?" Wesker asked as he finished with the fire pit. Everyone looked up at him and nodded. Including, Joseph. "Then lets head out."

"Where captain?" Barry asked.

"To the river. We're going to catch some fish."

"Ew! I hate fish!" Brad exclaimed.

"I don't care, Vickers. Lets move out!"

The team followed behind Wesker to find the closest river. That river happened to be Aimes river. Not too far from where they were. Wesker was probably the only teammate who didn't trip on their way to the river. Joseph was the only one who fell flat on his face. Wesker smirked at it. After about 20 to 30 minutes, they reached the river, seeing many fish jumping out and back into the water.

Wesker took out his combat knife and slowly entered the water. The others did the same.

They all found perfect fishing spots. Each of the caught at least 5 fish, all except for Joseph of course. He had only caught one.

"Aw man! Why can't I catch one? Son of a bitch doesn't like me!" Joseph yelled at the fish.

"Maybe because it hates you?" Brad suggested.

"Shut up Chicken, you're ruining my concentration!"

"You don't even know how to spell concentration!" Brad retorted.

"Oh god." Jill sighed loudly.

Joseph looked up from the water rather pissed off. "YEAH I DO, YOU FUCKING CHICKEN! AT LEAST I DON'T MISS HALF OF THE ACTION WHEN WE GO ON MISSIONS!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, JOSEPH! HAVE YOU EVER EVEN GRADUATED ELEMENTARY SCHOOL? THAT'S HOW STUPID YOU ARE!" Brad yelled back.

"Captain Wesker are you gonna really let this happen?" Chris asked Wesker, very concerned.

Wesker sighed and put his hands up in defeat. "Don't they always fight like this, Chris?"

"Well, yeah but-"

"Let it go Redfield, let it go." Wesker said as he can still hear the bickering of Joseph and Brad. Chris shrugged it off and watched them fight on.

"FUCK YOU!" Brad yelled.

"DAMMIT YOU IDIOTS JUST SHUT THE HELL-!" Wesker broke in but yet Joseph still managed to interrupt him.

"STOP YELLING BRAD AND WESKER OR YOU'RE ALL GONNA WAKE UP THE KOALAS!" Joseph exclaimed.

Wesker, Brad, Chris, Jill and Barry all stop what they were all doing and stayed absolutely silent looking at Joseph with strange expressions of confusion.

"Uhh. Joseph…you DO realize Koalas are from Australia? Not here in Raccoon Forest?" Barry questioned his 'intelligence'.

"No they're not!" Joseph whined as Wesker began to walk away from all the stupidity. The team followed after carrying their fresh catches back to the camp.

'_Frost, you're the biggest moron I have ever known.' _Wesker thought.

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**Hope I didnt disappoint anyone! I didnt really give my all here, I just kinda threw stuff in. Thats why Its a random chap, so yeah. Really, thanks for the wait, I hope it was worth it for you all.**

**REVIEW, FAV, ALERT...Yeahhh the works do all that if you like XD Bye for now!**


	8. Tales from True Morons

**I understand, it has taken me a while to upload this, but my computer fucked up again -_-, I hate this computer, please forgive my lateness. To be honest Im actually quite tired of writing this story, at first my intention was to get rid of it, but then I decide, fuck it just write the remaining chapters then be done with it once and for all. But Im glad people enjoy reading this story, so I shall continue only for you! ENJOY!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do NOT Own Resident Evil or its characters, just the story itself.**

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The STARS reached their campsite having to see a few raccoons heading their way. Joseph followed one of the raccoons around the camp. The raccoon final stopped running away from Joseph and looked up at him as he bent down to get a closer look.

"Hey there Mr. Raccoon! Would you like to be my friend-" Joseph was abruptly interrupted by the raccoon as it lunged itself at Joseph's face and attacked.

"WAHHH!" He wailed out as it scratched him up. Lucky for Joseph, it was a baby raccoon. Wesker had burst into a laughing fit, rather a rare thing for him to do. They all stared at him as he laughed hard.

"AHAHAHA!… Aha…ha…" His laugh began to die out as the team was shocked. Even Joseph and the raccoon had seized moving and attacking each other. "S-sorry." He apologized as he continued to act like nothing happened. "Well then. Lets end this stupidity, shall we?" Wesker said as he drew out his gun aimed it at the raccoon on Joseph's face and shot it in the spine, slowly killing the poor thing.

"Well, someone's child isn't going home." Chris said as he stared at the now dead raccoon.

"Your child isn't going home Chris." Joseph stated.

"…I don't have a child." Chris raised his eye brow at Joseph's statement.

"Oh."

"Enough. Lets just sit down and enjoy our meals." Jill had finally spoken.

The team sat by the campfire eating, drinking, enjoying each others company and telling random stories. Even Wesker had somewhat participated. Joseph went on about a 'what if' story.

"Aw man. What if like one day there's like a whole bunch of …zombies! No! Zombie DOGS! And Zombies!"

Wesker swallowed his food hard. He began to get slightly nervous.

"And like we get chased by those zombie dogs and enter a mansion full of zombies and other monsters!" Chris added.

"If that was to really happen, who would die?" Brad asked.

"I think you would die. Actually, no. Since your just gonna end up missing all the action anyway and, I gotta admit, I'm a little reckless. So I might die. I hope I don't die with slow ass zombies. I prefer those zombie dogs to come out of the blue and attack me than get over powered by one fucking zombie." Joseph explained.

"Huh...What about you Jill?" Brad was surprised at Joseph.

"Well, I have to go with Joey here. I think he'll die. He lacks speed. No offense." Jill told them.

"Non taken. Although, Jill I think you'd survive. Maybe you AND Chris. And maybe Barry."

"Really? Why'd you think we'd survive?" Jill began to get curious.

"Well, you've seen horror movies. The girls, most of the time, survive!" Joseph said.

"Yeah, I guess your right."

"Well, if those were all to happen, here in Raccoon Forest, then god knows WHAT will happen to Raccoon City!" Chris said also noticing Wesker sweating. "Captain what's wrong? Are we scaring you?" The group all turned their attention to their nervous captain. The question Chris asked about scaring Wesker was so stupid it snapped Wesker back into reality.

"No. I'm not." Wesker bluntly answered.

"Aw, is the captain gonna wet his pants?" Joseph teased and laughed as the group laughed as well.

"Frost, you say one more thing to me and I'm beating the shit out of you." Wesker threatened.

Joseph stayed silent until his attention returned to the whole zombie apocalypse thing. "I bet that there's gonna be a trader. Ya know? Like in the movies? That one guy that everybody trusted the most, and looked up to, will be the trader."

"You think? Well I don't know about that. I believe it's the guy who stays out of most of the action." Chris said as Joseph looked at Brad.

"Brad! I knew Brad would be the trader! He's a nerd. He hates us-" Jill interrupted him.

"Actually, Brad hates you." She corrected.

But Joseph ignored her and continued. "I knew Brad was the evil mastermind behind everything. Sneaky bastard!"

"JOSEPH! I'M NOT A TRADER!"

Joseph laughed at Brad's out burst. It was the plan all along. Wesker had finally relaxed himself.

"Man, what if Wesker was the trader?" Barry asked his teammates as Wesker tensed up again.

"Haha! Yeah! Like, he lures us into some deserted mansion filled with monsters!" Chris sarcastically said.

"Yeah and in reality he worked for some hell-bent organization or company all along!" Jill joined in.

"And he blackmails one of us!" Brad laughed.

"And, and he unleashes some monster like thing to finish us off, then it ends up killing him, where he comes back to life as some inhuman freak with super powers and shit!" Joseph finished their little sarcasm.

"Oh you guys and your crazed imaginations! Wesker would never do that to us, he loves, well, likes us or at least some of us. Isn't that right Wesker?" Barry asked their highly tensed Captain. Beads of sweat dripped from him as he looked around for something to distract him.

"Captain, you okay?" Brad worriedly questioned.

"Uhmm. I… think I am coming down with… a low fever." He answered very tensed.

"Well then you should lay down." Jill suggested.

"No, Miss Valentine, I'm f-fine. But thank you for your sympathy."

"You sure?" Brad asked.

"Absolutely go on." Wesker answered quickly.

"Okay then! So imagine like, 10 years from now me and Jill, ya' know since were the survivors, are in a organization and Jill gets brainwashed by like Wesker? And she tries to kill me and all." Chris said as his level of creativity went up.

"Good one Chris!" Barry commented.

"Okay I've got something! What if, Bravo team goes out on a mission where there helicopter has an engine failure and that rookie Rebecca Chambers comes across a train in her investigation around the area and she sees zombies and stuff and in the end, ends up probably the only survivor in Bravo and then the next day she sees us, well, Chris or Jill or Barry or Wesker and ends up surviving with some of you guys! Wouldn't that be crazy! A fucking rookie goes through all that and yet stills survives! Its cause she' a girl! Watch Kenneth gonna be like the first to die." Joseph rambled.

"Dude, that'll be crazy!" Chris said.

"I highly doubt all of that would happen." Jill said.

"Never know Jill. This world is filled with some fucked up mysteries." Joseph said. They all stopped talking, contemplating on what may happen in the future if all that did happen.

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**Well, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I will try to write chap 9, but right now Im in need of inspiration at the moment. This chapter I really dont find all that funny but I tried... yeahh Until next time I guess!**

**Review, Favorite and Alert if you like!**


	9. Chris' Story

**AN:** EXTREMELY SORRY! I had lost the need to do this story but recently I'm gaining it slowly. This chapter doesn't contain much hilarity as I wanted but, what the hell. I want to be done with this, but I'll try my best with the humor.

**DISCLAIMER:** Resident Evil belongs to CAPCOM and the idea/inspirations of this story belongs to ClaireFan82 I only wrote this story and made them stupid heh ^^*

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Chris and the others sat on logs that was once scattered around the campsite, in front of the fire pit. After a long while of contemplation, the team snapped out of deep thought.

"Joseph, I can't believe I let you get that stupid zombie stuff into my head." Brad scolded.

"Shut it, Vickers…" Joseph responded.

"You shut it-" Brad was interrupted by Jill.

"You both shut it! We're all tired of hearing you guys argue all the time! Its getting really fucking annoying!" She shouted out. Jill looked around as everybody was shocked at her out burst. Chris stared for a while then began to clap as Barry joined in. They both clapped at Jill for what she had said. It was about time somebody spoke out like that. Even though, Wesker had been yelling at them but it seemed to have not gotten through their thick heads. Until Jill shouted at them of course. Brad and Joseph both felt like it was their mothers that were yelling at them.

"Thank you, Miss Valentine for that. I highly appreciate that." Wesker commented. He looked up at the sky and noticed it was already a moonlit sky. The wind changed from fresh to cool. The team began to get goose-bumps on their skin. "Its time." Wesker said to himself.

"Time for what, Captain?" Barry spoke out.

"Time to do a quick search around the camp, for any vermin or threats that can get at us while we sleep."

"Great thinking!" Chris said.

"Well, I'm going to need some help. Any volunteers?" Wesker asked his group.

"PICK ME CAPTAIN WESKER, PICK ME!" Brad exclaimed, raising his hand as if he were in school. Joseph looked at Brad disgustingly. He looked back at his captain and had a good idea in mind.

"SHOOT ME CAPTAIN WESKER, SHOOT ME!" Joseph mimicked Brad's reaction. Brad glared at Joseph as Wesker shook his head and pointed at Brad, giving him a 'Lets go' nod. Brad jolted out of his spot and walked along with Wesker.

"Such a kiss ass." Joseph murmured.

"Joseph, please!" Jill begged him not to start again. He just looked at her as his face calmed.

"Fine…"

"Hey! I got an idea! Lets tell old stories!" Chris suggested.

"Sure, we've got nothing else to do." Barry pointed out. Joseph nodded and began his story.

"Once there was a chicken, named Brad, he was so scared of everything in life, that he died. The end!" Joseph laughed out, the others chuckled at good ol' Joseph. He was never going to change.

Mean while, Brad and Wesker were on their search to find any unwanted guests at their campsite, Brad had spotted a mouse, upholstered his gun and shot like there was no tomorrow.

"DIE!" With every shot he fired, he missed. All 15 bullets he fired, missed the mouse as it escaped its own wrath. Brad's eyes were tight shut, until he heard the empty click sound and opened his eyes. He saw the rat makes its way into a small hole and Brad looked up at Wesker, blushing. "Sorry, Captain…"

Wesker shook his head and looked around the area some more. "At least you scared it away." He said.

"Yeah…"

"Lets head back." Wesker had already began to walk back as Brad turned and freaked out.

"Don't leave me here!" He ran towards his Captain, both reaching the campsite. The team looked up at them.

"The fuck was all that noise for?" Chris gave them a worried look. Brad looked down and blushed, twirling his fingers to avoid direct eye-contact with anyone. Wesker looked at Brad and decided the appropriate response.

"He shot a group of vermin." He answered. Joseph eyed him suspiciously and pressed on.

"What kind of 'vermin'?"

"The kind that your mother mated to make you!" Wesker retorted.

"OOOOH!" The team instigated like a group of teenagers. Chris, of course made his golden comment,

"He just dissed ya momma!"

"…He dissed _him_**,** Chris. Not his mother." Jill said.

"Ohh." Chris put his head down in defeat.

"You're so smart, Jill." Joseph said as he stared at her day-dreaming. Brad looked at him in disgust.

"_Ohhh Jill, you so smart! My names Joseph, and I'm just as hopeless as a comedian as I am a romantic, with no chance whatsoever to get with Jill!_"Brad teased.

"Fuck off, Vickers."

"No you-" Brad was cut off by an angry Jill.

"**SHUT THE FUCK UP!**"She yelled at the heavens. After her our burst, the trees and bushes rustled from the animals that were scared away by the loud echo of her scream.

"Well, shit Jill, I think you gave poor ol' Bambi a fuckin' heart-attack!" Chris said as he took note of the scared creatures fleeing. She shrugged. She didn't regret yelling one bit. It got Brad and Joseph to quite down, and that was good enough. Wesker ignored the stupidity and made his way to an unoccupied log that sat near the fire and about 2 feet away from where Chris sat. Wesker glanced around to notice that Chris had something in his hand. It looked like a tape recorder.

"Redfield, are you serious recording all this?" Chris looked down at his hand.

"Yeah, its so that we can remember all this in the future!" He exclaimed.

"I doubt any of us would want to hear the voices of Frost and Vickers bickering about nothing." Wesker bluntly stated. Chris shrugged.

"Mehh, just in case. And, its for my log. Ya' know? Voice recording log?" Wesker shook his head.

"I can care less, Redfield." Chris put the recorder to his own face and pressed a button.

"Chris' Log: May 16, 1996, the middle of Raccoon City Forest, just by the Aimes River, with some trees and shit, at-' Chris stopped to look at his watch. '11:48 pm, Captain Albert Wesker of STARS Alpha Team, can care less about my log." He said into the recorder and pressed another button. Wesker stared at Chris then proceeded to face-palm himself.

"Captain, just leave him, he's been doing this since you guys left." Barry informed him. Wesker only nodded.

"So how about that story?" Chris asked. The team nodded and got a few inches closer to the fire as the moon hovered over them, signaling that it was midnight. Chris started to think about what story he should speak of. His time in the Air Force, he fishing or out of town trips with Claire and his mom and dad, or his childhood. His eyes lit up.

"Got something, Red?" Joseph asked.

"Yeah… I got something. For a long time, it gave me nightmares. Having to witness an injustice like that. It was a constant reminder of how unfair the world can be. I-I can still hear them taunting him…' Chris paused feeling a sting of tears coming on, having the team, minus Wesker, at the edge of their seat. He sniffed from the sadness it caused him to talk about this and continued. '_Silly Rabbit, trix are for kids. _H-how come they just couldn't give him some cereal?!"

The team stared at him. Wesker, ready to murder him. Chris wiped away some tears, Joseph patted his shoulder in comfort. Jill shook her head as well as Brad and Barry.

"Chris Redfield, you have no idea how much I hate you right now." Wesker bluntly stated. '_NOW. I want him and Frost to die now._' He thought darkly.

"But Captain-" Chris was cut off by Wesker.

"No buts, you fool!"

"Heh, Wesker said 'buts'." Joseph chuckled. Wesker picked up one of the fishes that he had caught and smacked Joseph across the face.

'_Why did I wait this long to do that?_' He wondered. Chris proceeded to grab his recorder.

"Chris' Log: May 17, 1996, the middle of Raccoon City Forest, by the Aimes River, by some bushes with animals and crap at 12:25, Captain Albert Wesker of STARS Alpha Team, is fucking insane." Chris recorded. Wesker glared at him and stood up.

"Wesker's log.' He paused, picking up his log-chair. 'Is about to connect with Chris' **HEAD**!" He attempted to smash Chris on the head until Jill, Barry, Joseph and Brad held him back.

"Captain, please!" They begged. Wesker threw his log onto the ground and walked to his tent in silence, unzipped it violently, went in, and zipped it up. The team sat back down and all stared at the fire.

"Well, _this,_ has been quite a night, huh?" Jill said as everyone nodded.

"I think, we should call it a night." Barry suggested, once again the team nodded and all headed back to their tents to forget this days events and look forward for tomorrows upcoming events. If there is a tomorrow, for some of them at least.

* * *

Hope that you enjoyed this chapter. I will try my best to get Chapter 10 up soon. And if your looking for a serious story, feel free to check out my new story, Piers based, "The Forgotten". Anyway, this story, just for the heads up, is starting to come to an end. I believe 12 or 13 will be the last one. I'm gonna try to fit in a weeks worth of Survival Camp into the next 2 chapters. Hope you like this story. Keep the reviews coming, It actually motivates me to finish! Really hope you all enjoyed this story ~ Until next time


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